“We used to look up in the sky and wonder at our place in the stars. Now we just look down and worry about our place in the dirt.”
Interstellar, Nolan, 2014
What is The Velvet Constellation?
The Velvet Constellation is a method of self-discovery and identity exploration designed to help you build a life that resonates with who you are now, rather than who you were told to be.
Therapy can help us understand and heal from what happened. The Velvet Constellation begins with a different question:
What happens next?
A note about coaching
The Velvet Constellation is not psychotherapy or mental-health treatment. Rather than diagnosing or treating mental-health conditions, this coaching process focuses on self-discovery, preferred futures, deliberate experimentation, and integrating what you learn into the life you want to build.
Who is this for?
Maybe you've been told that your needs are too much. Your desires are too intense. You need to behave, fall in line, chill out, compose yourself, or simply be grateful for the life you're supposed to want.
Or maybe you've done everything you were supposed to do and discovered that you still don't know the answer to a deceptively difficult question:
What do I actually want?
The Velvet Constellation is for adults deliberately exploring who they are after questioning or deconstructing the beliefs that once defined them.
Those beliefs might have come from religion, past relationships, societal expectations, gender roles, traditional relationship structures, expectations about aging, or simply a version of yourself that no longer fits.
That exploration may include sexuality, kink, relationships, identity, desire, pleasure, power, boundaries, or something much bigger than any one of those.
The goal isn’t to replace one prescribed way of living with another.
It's to discover what belongs to you.
The Method
The Velvet Constellation is a coaching framework informed by solution-focused principles.
✦ CONSTELLATION
Discover.
What do I actually want?
Identify the desires, values, curiosities, boundaries, and possibilities you want to explore.
⚒ FORGE
Experiment.
What happens when I try?
Turn curiosity into deliberate, manageable experiments and see what you learn.
◉ INTEGRATION
Choose.
What do I want to keep?
Take what you've learned and decide what belongs in the life you're building.
Work With Elanor
──────────────
COACHING
Individual and relationship coaching for exploring identity, sexuality, relationships, spirituality, desire, and change.
Individual coaching from $150
Coaching for adults exploring identity, sexuality, relationships, kink, spirituality, and the question of what comes next.
──────────────
GUIDED EXPLORATION
Structured experiences for going deeper into a specific question, including kink exploration, identity and sexuality, and event preparation.
Guided explorations from $425
──────────────
EDUCATION
Private education, workshops, groups, and professional training around sexuality, kink, relationships, consent, and alternative lifestyles.
Workshops from $50
About Elanor
Elanor is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, as well as a coach and educator with over 15 years of experience in mental health, relationships, and wellness.
Her work centers on self-discovery and self-authorship: helping adults explore who they are, what they want, and what they might choose when inherited expectations no longer fit.
I really want to learn, but I have zero dollars.
You don't need to hire me to begin exploring.
I've collected resources for people who are curious about sexuality, kink, relationships, identity, spirituality, consent, and the strange business of figuring out what actually belongs to you.
Some are mine. Some were created by people and organizations whose work I trust. All of them are here to help you start exploring, whether or not you ever work with me.
Start Somewhere
Sexuality & desire
Kink & BDSM
Consent & safer exploration
Relationships & ENM
Identity after religion
Spiritual exploration
Community safety & abuse
Stay in the Constellation
Have a question, want to work together, or not quite sure where to start?
Send me a note. Tell me a little about what you're exploring and what you're looking for, and I'll let you know whether The Velvet Constellation might be a good fit.